I
spent this past weekend at Yokota air base doing another
photo sale. (Seems like lately I have spent more time
selling photos than taking them...)
I drove up on Friday morning in order
to get there for my appointed setup time of noon. It
took me 2 leisurely hours to get everything ready for
the next morning, after which I headed over to Burger
King to grab some lunch.
As much as I love BK, I am kind of
glad they don't have one on the base where I work, otherwise
I would be tempted to eat there a little too often.
While in college I would always try to hit BK on Whopper
Wednesdays when they were only 99 cents. I would usually
grab two of them, drive home, plop myself down in front
of the TV and devour both of them. Afterwhich, with
a big smaile on my face, I would slip into a 3-4 hour
coma as my stomach battled to process to bomb I had
just sent its way.
But that was 10 years ago, and now
a whopper once in a while is OK, but having one 2-3
times a week would get to be a little much.
Upon entering the BUrger King at Yokota
I quickly scanned the big menu on the wall above the
registers. And low and behold, what did I find.....?
A TRIPLE WHOPPER value meal.
Say it isn't so!
Quickly dismissing the idea of trying
to choke down a beast like that I continued to scan
the menu.
But my eyes seemed to keep focusing back on that behemoth
burger, and with a morbid fascination I found myself
ordering one. It's kind of like having a tooth pulled.
You kow it will hurt to touch the space where the tooth
was, but you just can't stop from sticking your tongue
in it anyway.
When the girl taking my order asked if I would like
to have cheese with it, I figured, "what the hell,
why not. I'm going to need a triple bypass after the
thing anyway, so I may as well go all the way and do
it right". I told her as much, but since she was
Japanese I'm not sure if she really understood what
I meant.
In a minute or so my meal was ready and I grabbed a
couple of ketchup packs and made my way over to the
drink dispenser to get a coke.
When the burger was still wrapped
up in its paper it did not look too large, but upon
unwrapping it the full horror of what I had gotten myself
into struck me. The thing was Huge!
Thick!
Stupid Thick!
Dislocate-your-lower-jaw-like-a-python-swallowing-a-Nutria-whole-so-you-can-get-your-mouth-
around-it kind of Thick!
With a little persistance, and good amount of twisting,
squeezing, and pressing I was finally able to work the
edge of the burger down enough so as to be able to take
a bite.
Not surprisingly it was delicious, just like a regular
Whopper, only a bit... beefier. We'll, to be
totally accurate I would have to say that at least at
first it was delicious. By the time I was about two
thirds of the way through it the fun factor had worn
off in a big way. It had quickly become a battle of
wills to see if I would be able to finish the thing.
A few bites from the end I even thought
about giving up, but much in the same way as when I
climbed Fuji-san for the first time, I didn't want the
thing to beat me.
A small part of me knew that I would
likely not be stupid enough to attempt this gastronomical
blunder again any time soon, so I loosened my belt,
let out a big breath and pressed on..... And it hurt
me.
I waddled back to my car, (I didn't
even think about trying to eat my fries...) drove to
the Lodge, checked into my room and promptly slipped
into that long forgotten, yet strangly familiar food
indiuced coma for a few hours.
After regaining conciousness I thought
about getting some dinner (It was nearly 6 pm) but much
like the python gorging on a large rodent, it seemed
that I would not have a good appetite again for at least
the next 2-3 weeks...
Now that I think about it, in that
one sitting I probably consumed enough calories to feed
lower Bangladesh for a week.
Note to self: Never eat anything with
the word "triple" in it ever again...
Comment 41
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