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First of all let me say Thank You
to Raju from the Japan Times for selecting me to partake
in the Sony sponsored "Dynamic Tokyo Tour"
via the Hato Tour Bus Company. The tour took place on
Monday and the weather was absolutely perfect.
During that day I used the Sony P200
(I think it is called the P150 in America). The P200
is quite a capable and very well refined 7 megapixel
digital camera. It has a big, bright LCD screen, very
quick startup, minimal shutter lag, and just feels good
in your hand. The only bad part was that it only comes
with a 32MB memory stick so I had to bump it all the
way down to VGA resolution in order to make the memory
stick last the entire day.
(All of todays photos were taken with my Canon A80.
I brought it along just in case... ^_^)
During the day I would report my experiences
with, and observations about, the camera to Raju since
he will be writing an article about it for the Japan
Times that is scheduled to appear in one of the July
issues.
It was a full 8-hour tour and it covered
many of the highlights that Tokyo has to offer. But
the really noteworthy (in a bad way) part of the experience
was the guide that was narrating the tour.
He was the most un-Japanese Japanese
person I have ever come across. Let me explain…
Common wisdom dictates that there
are two subjects which one should steer clear of when
first meeting someone. The first being Religion, the
second being personal preferences among the various
forms of hemorrhoid treatment.
Just kidding. The first is Religion,
and the second is Politics.
Well, this tour guide seemed to talk
of nothing but these two subjects. (With a
little racism, male chauvinism, and rash generalizations
about the Third World thrown in for good measure…
I guess he wanted to make sure to offend Everybody.
An equal opportunity idiot…)
The first thing out of his mouth was
how he was a second generation Christian and that he
knew more about the Bible than any American he had ever
met. (I guess he skimmed over the part about Humility…)
In his defense, he was humble enough to say that he
was the #2 tour guide in Japan.
Yeah right.
He got the #2 part right though, but
not in the Tour Guide sense. I’m thinking more
like he has #2 for brains…
Let me elaborate.
Taking part in the tour were two gentlemen
from Iran. Noticing this, the tour guide made a point
of telling everyone that he was not at all interested
in visiting the Middle East because, “That place
is just full of suicide bombers.”
Incredible.
Yet it gets better.
After noticing a couple of Filipino
women on the tour he went on and on about how much smarter
Japan was for manufacturing things like electronics
and cars, which both have high profit margins. He said,
and I quote, ”How much profit does a farmer in
the Philippines make by selling bananas? Not much. They
should follow Japan and do what we did.”
Where do you find people
like this?
Did he skip his medication that
day?..
I’m going to write to the company
to let them know that this guy is not only making their
company look bad, but he is also giving a lot of people
a very false impression about Japanese people.
After making sure to insult each minority
group at least once he then proceeded to explain how
Buddhism and Shinto are so much like Christianity.
But about this I somewhat agree. Other
than for the small fact that they are VERY very
different, they are quite a bit the same.
Not.
Another thing.
I did not know it, but according to
the Tour guide from Heck, the Japanese Tea Ceremony
is an overtly Christian ritual.
Yes, you heard it here first folks. According to old
#2 for brains, all Japanese people really want to be
Christians, they just don’t realize it.
We also had the good fortune during
the tour to pass by the infamous Yasukuni Shrine and
he made some comments about how China disagrees with
Japans version of history, especially related to that
of the early to mid 20th century. Lucky for him there
were no Chinese people on the tour, otherwise they would
have opened up a can (or a whole case) of whoop ass
on him right then and there.
I would have said something to him
were it not for the fact that I realized that this guy
was giving me plenty to write about here.
Also, the sheer lunacy of his wild
ascertains were enough to place me in a slack-jawed
state. I imagine a similar feeling could be had if one
were to accidentally overdose on Quaaludes, Blatz beer,
and 3 double Whoppers (with cheese).
I was powerless to resist.
It was kind of like tuning into a
Japanese Howard Stern Show. We were all hanging on his
every word just wondering what was going to come out
of his mouth next.
As an added bonus, he also tended
to laugh after saying anything.
Let me illustrate.
“...And now we are entering
Ginza, the most famous shopping district in Japan. Ha
Ha!”...
"...Look, there is a policewoman.
She is cute isn’t she. Nice legs. I shouldn't’t
say that because I may get charged with sexual harassment.
Ha Ha!...”
I think he should have gotten a clue
when nobody (and I do mean nobody) ever answered
any of his questions. But he took it all in stride and
proceeded to answer his own questions, not forgetting
to laugh after each answer.
The best part of the tour was the
45 minute boat ride on the Sumida river. The reason
it was so good was because the boat had its own guide
pointing out things of interest and our good buddy had
to take a seat and shut his mouth.
I knew it was going to be a long day
of shuttling around on a bus, but I never knew it was
going to be something more akin to being stuck next
to a Jehovah's Whitness while on a cross-country greyhound
trip.
Nothing against Jehovah's Whitnesses
mind you. I think we have all, at one time or another
in our lives, turned off all the lights and pretended
we were not home when those kind (but devilishly persistent)
people came calling.. Good people, just a little too
persistent in their approach for my taste.
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